Panic

Last night, I had a rather routine panic attack while thinking about a rather routine subject: my future. As I approach my college years, I am finally seeing the end of my childhood. It scares me to death that I'm approaching these mysterious years known as adulthood. I wonder what kind of job I'll have, what kind of family I'll have, and, worst of all, will I even enjoy my life?

I hope the answer is yes, but the picture I have in mind for my future is much easier to picture than it is to create in reality. In some cases, I don't even know what I want in my future. Do I want kids? Do I want a house with a lot of land? There are so many questions that I have no answer for.

And worst of all, I'm just growing closer to the end of my life. Every time
I think about this, I go into a panic attack. My body starts shaking, and my heart starts racing. I have to step back and force myself to accept that I will be ready when the day comes. I'm setting myself up to live a happy life so that I'll be ready. This, also, is easier said than done.

Death is scary. I think the reason that people, including me, are so afraid of death is because, regardless of how strongly we believe in an afterlife, there is always uncertainty. I, personally, am not religious. I do not believe in the afterlife. A lack of spirituality could be a reason for my fear. The thought of death being the end of everything is the most depressing thought I can imagine.

I have to accept it. There is no way of escaping dying. I just need to make the most of my time above ground. I love living, but I am so scared of the end.